Posts tagged love
Posts tagged love
I am not
A perfect heroine
As strong as the tides
With everlasting beauty
Yet I will love fiercely
Silently
With all my heart
Body
Soul.
Just one touch
And you send me to darkness
Of the deepest red hues
As breathing quickens
And lips collide
A hasty retreat to privacy
Away from judgemental eyes.
And here I sit, drink to my side, enjoying the disorientation (and seeing the funny side to everything). And thinking about things that should be left for other times.
I still remember, when I was but seven, my idea of love was me in a cream petticoat dress, with flowers printed all over, and white lace hems. A parasol to keep the sun away, a handbag with whatever I felt important. And he in his crisp suit and shiny shoes, maybe a hat. A briefcase containing documents for work. And we would be holding hands, walking leisurely across the courtyard. We would talk and laugh and have lunch in a quaint tearoom. Then you would kiss me on the lips before we said goodbye.
Now, it’s much simpler. It’s just you.
I am afraid, so afraid, of being alone.
A funny thing, how quickly she accustoms herself to a body of warmth laying beside her each night, soft breathing lulling her to sleep.
Barely a year and I’m already unable to sleep without you here with me, even if just a screen.
Strong arms pulling her closer as skin touches skin, legs wrapped around each other, as close as two beings can be.
Am I just being pathetic? So afraid to be alone again, in the dark where no-one watches, but my own eyes see the past, the mistakes, it is so hard to resist.
She is kissed on her head, a whispered ‘good night’, a nuzzle in the neck as she loses reality.
Take me home.
Run away
From the danger
Of those suffocating arms
The black sleeves that
Have no body.
Run away
Instincts tell me
Fear that keeps my feet running
Far, far away
To stay alive.
Eyes open
And you’re so far away
This fear won’t reside
All I want is for you to
Hold me close
Until these nightmares go away.
Winner at love, loser of mind.
I thought I’d have gotten used to it by now, six months later. Leaving. Yet every time we say goodbye, when the train departs the platform, the imaginary string around my heart begins to tighten, growing taut as the other end is secured to him. And it squeezes my heart so painfully, cuts into the muscle, protesting at the distance already and he’s not even out of sight, but the stone walls disappear to be replaced with hills rolling by, the string straining, restricting my breathing, and it comes to a point when I cannot take a breath so long I fear I could die the next instant. And then it snaps suddenly, as I drink in the air in long mouthfuls. And I feel…A king of sad relief. The pain is gone, replaced with a sudden longing, a hunger for one last kiss, one last embrace, one last touch. Something missing.
The emptiness is haunting, never-ending…
I lie alone in anticipation of the night you’ll be with me,
As the rain pours down creating a sense of belonging
Just me and you
In a world of our own.
I remember
Disrest I held
The anger,
Frustration I had!
And everything crashed
When you said those words
Your expression
So sad
So pained
And I was the cause.
And everything crashed.
My world crumbled down
The sky transformed to sea
As the rain poured from my eyes
The realisation
That I hurt you.
How could I?
Such a thoughtless
Guiltless crime
How could I just
Leave?
Turn to the pain
The pain that I put upon you
Transfer all that pain to me
My body
My mind
That’s all I deserve
The pain! (And still more,
Still not enough)
Let the blood wash away the hurt
But keep it everpresent in my memory
The scars that show up as failure
I have let you down
Again.
Worse,
I had broken my promise
And the wings that meant so much
I killed them all.
I have suffered the guilt
And rightfully so
But how long must I see?
My love, my only one
How long will it last?
The image that burns in my mind
Red cheeks and falling tears
My fault.
How can I say no anymore,
When will I be free?
Will I ever deserve to be?
Forgive me, I beg of you,
It’s not what I should, but want
I cannot bear to do that again,
Believe me, please
Let me go,
I will show you
I won’t hurt you again.
